For centuries, women have been told they can’t have it all. But that’s a fucking lie! You can be perfect and more and you can do it RIGHT NOW! Just follow these easy steps:
· Log in to Facebook and “Like” the first 10 things you see. It doesn’t matter what they are, just do it! Human connection!
· Lose the baby weight!
· Two words: Coconut Oil! Use it for everything - shampoo, lotion, makeup remover, deodorant, lubricant, car oil, birth control, etc.
· One more word: Kale!!! Eat only kale! Jennifer Aniston does it! No time to look up recipes, just grab a leaf and start gnawing!
· Learn Italian on your way to work.
· Achieve sexual satisfaction! If you’re too tired for sex, just shove a live lobster down your pants, then drop it in a pot of boiling water for dinner. He’ll love it!
· Did you lose the baby weight yet??? OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU STILL SITTING HERE?!?!
· Drink 8 glasses of water each day, and don’t forget to sit up straight.
· Makeover montage!
· Stop taking your medication - nervous breakdowns burn calories! Every time your heart races uncontrollably, you’re doing cardio!
· Send a hand-written note to your Grandmother.
· "Opting Out"
· Read the free Kindle sample of Lean In (that’s all you need!)
· Do yoga in your sleep!
· Read this magazine article for 69 ways to BLOW HIS MIND.
· Be confident! You’re beautiful inside and out!*
* As long as you lose the fucking baby weight!!!!!!!!!!!!!